No, not the U2 album.
I’m reading the Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls at the
moment and was overwhelmed by her descriptions of the Joshua Tree.
“One time I saw a tiny Joshua tree
sapling growing not too far from the old tree. I wanted to dig it up and replant
it near our house. I told Mom that I would protect it from the wind and water
it every day so that it could grow nice and tall and straight. Mom frowned at
me. "You'd be destroying what makes it special," she said. "It's
the Joshua tree's struggle that gives it its beauty.”
The Joshua Tree, sometimes beaten by the wind, grows
sideways, but its roots are firmly in the ground. It is resilient in the face
of almost anything and just by looking at one that has weathered the storm you
are amazed at how beautiful it is in light of its obvious struggle.
In a way this reminded me of the year I’ve had so far. There
is nothing easy about ‘trying to do it all’, about raising a child and having a
career. And often I’ve felt like this tree.
In the literal sense, there are days when I physically
cannot get it all right and land up at work with porridge on my shoulder and
bags under my eyes and a look of fear and desperation (moms are nodding at
this point) as I tackle the 14 000 things I need to do before lunch. In the
emotional sense, there are days that you feel like you don’t have it all
figured out, that you’ll never get it right. And just when you think it’s not
going to get easier, it does. You realize your own strength, strength to make
things happen, strength to do the best you can with what you have. That if you
take things day by day, hour by hour even, you will reach the end of the day
and still be firmly rooted in the ground. Sometimes against all odds.
One of the most amazing things (and there are millions)
about motherhood is that it makes you see and live your own strength. That you
are powerful beyond what you imagined. There is, after all, another little
person counting on you, and when someone counts on you, you are inclined to
want to succeed.
To Joshua Trees, to being perfectly imperfect, to being beautiful.